• Pages

  • Site Sections

  • Tags

  • Archives

Dialogues With God (1) – Wasps – WHY?


Dialogues With God (1)

You must find it hard to welcome everybody to heaven with millions arriving every day. I suppose the Omnipotence comes in handy. Well, take my tip, keep a careful look out, because somewhere in the crowd is a quietly spoken, delightful man called Charles Schultz. You might miss him: he won’t be shouting the odds or complaining about being there. He’ll just be off in some quiet corner peacefully drawing and smiling to himself. You’ll like the guy. He hasn’t been with You long and we already miss him. He’ll be the one who makes You smile. Do You smile?

Ask Charles to tell You about his little friends – even better, draw them for You. I mean, Omniscience can’t mean that You know things he hasn’t thought of yet – can it? You might still be a bit peeved with him because earlier in his life he used to shout Your praises in the streets. Then he got drawn into a war (can we pencil in a chat about war by the way?). He came out of the war with the conclusion that he could not believe in any Supreme Being who wanted to be worshipped. I mean no disrespect – but I’m with Charles.

I only have to stand and look at the stars for a few seconds to feel I’m a totally inconsequential speck in the universe, so with me the Omnipotent thing is way over the top; a celestial hammer to crack an earthly nut so to speak. I mean it’s just no contest – a blink of Your eye and I’m gone. Do You have eyes by the way? Even if the Omnipotence fell a bit short, You outnumber me as well, with that Father, Son and Holy Ghost thing. That’s some gang that Trinity: all powerful, all loving and…….well I suppose……just all. I’ve got a few questions about that one……er those ones..….er well You see what I mean I’m sure. I can’t be the first one to bring it up. Maybe the deal is that just because You are All Powerful, You don’t always choose to exercise it. That’s so cool. Mind you it does raise a few tricky questions about why You choose not to exercise power in one case but do in another. I guess You have to be All Knowing to work that one out. (I’m going to drop the capitals thing now if it’s all the same to you – it’s getting tedious and you are too big to need it). Of course you can’t even say it wasn’t your fault because you are everywhere at the same time. How does that work exactly? Is it like Coca Cola? I know everything’s got to be somewhere, but how somewhere can be everywhere beats me as I’m a Bear of very little brain (please don’t tell me you don’t know Him) Maybe it’s a miracle. (Now there’s a topic for a further chat). My head’s beginning to hurt a bit now, need some sleep. By the way, do you actually come to people in their dreams? Or do they just dream that you do? So much to understand and so little time: about another 15 seconds the way this is going.

The All Knowing thing isn’t much easier you know (sic). If I may say so, it’s a lousy strategy. You see, the guys who run things down here run a great wheeze: anything they know that might turn out wrong, they pretend they don’t know because someone forgot to tell them. That way, when the shit hits the fan it’s never their fault. (Do you have fans in heaven? Or even……..no, better not go there). Well, Omniscience sure as hell puts a crimp in that argument. Strange thing is, they all act as if they’re omniscient, whereas here you are, actually being Omniscient, but sometimes choosing not to be. That’s what clever bastards down here call a paradox. No wonder Philosophers get up real people’s noses. I’ve heard it said, a shade indelicately perhaps, that a Philosopher is someone who thinks it’s a deep mystery that it keeps going dark; when in fact it’s just because he keeps sticking his head up his arse.

So, Sir, or whatever, (I’ll come to that in a minute), in the spirit of my hero Schultz, creator of my other hero, good ‘ole Charlie Brown, I would, if I may put it this way, like a word. Quite a few words really. Of course as you already know, I’m a pretty screwed up, confused kind of guy, always asking the wrong questions at the wrong time: down here that’s why we’re called Philosophers. I guess in your business they used to be called heretics. But then as they say, what’s in a name? Depends on the name I suppose.

You see, I’m not trying to be an argumentative bugger just for fun, but it seems to me my life-long, irresistible urge to ask ‘why?’ isn’t my fault, but yours. Or have I got that one wrong as well? So, if it’s all right with you, I’ll sort of go for it and ask whatever comes to mind. And if there are some things about your beautiful creation that make me angry or upset I’m going to sound angry and upset. After all, if you can do wrath, surely you can spare me a bit of irritation or justified anger?

If we’re going to talk you need a name. And I can’t be doing with this triple whammy stuff so I have a suggestion. On the legal principle of silence gives assent, if you don’t say anything, I’ll assume you’ll go with the flow on the name front. I think I’ve already made clear my lack of empathy with the All Powerful God thing: and as for Omniscience – well down here no one likes to be called a know-all so if it’s all right with you we’ll kick that one into touch as well. No, the one I feel really close to, that makes me think, now there’s a Supreme Being I could really talk to, even open my heart to, is the All Loving God. So with the greatest respect and hopefully the eternal spirit of Schultz, Charlie Brown, Linus and Co in my corner – is it OK if I call you Alg? Tell you what, as a matter of simple courtesy, how about I spell it with capitals, even if I don’t say it in capitals (for now)? We aren’t that good friends yet. Of course you are free to call me anything you choose – ‘insignificant little’ worm probably hits the mark: but if it’s all the same to you – ‘arrogant little shit’ – would hurt.

Can we do a deal ALG? If this all seems too disrespectful, lacking in reverence and gets the old wrath thing going, would you mind just blowing me away now quick and painless? I mean no one can think when they’re scared and as I’m sure you are aware, you can sometimes scare the bejeezus out of people……….. On grounds of courtesy alone I must apologise for that one – but crikey, it’s sometimes hard to avoid using one of your many names in the wrong way. No offence intended. I’ve still got my eyes screwed up waiting for that bolt of lightning. Do you do bolts, or is it just the ancient Greek and Scandinavian guys? Sorry to push it, but I’m going to have to go with – you’re completely OK about this, not just sort of holding your fire. It’s that fear and thinking thing again.

Sometimes ALG, I wish you’d lightened up a bit on the thinking in my case: it’s always got me into trouble, and it sure as hell (oops) makes life more difficult. Plus people get a sort of glazed expression on their faces after a while which is kind of embarrassing. I’ve tried getting together with fellow philosophers but that doesn’t work, they’re all as off the wall and screwed up as me. But I’m grateful; it could have been worse, you might have made me a psychoanalyst. See – there is a God after all. Sorry, just my little joke. Hope you like jokes: to extend Schultz a little, not sure I can respect any being, Supreme or not, who doesn’t smile or laugh. Just occasionally you understand; I accept that running the world is pretty heavy stuff and probably a bit low in giggle-factor. But then I guess laughing has something to do with surprise and I’m not sure how an All Knowing being gets to be surprised. Maybe it’s the same deal as power: just because you can know everything, doesn’t mean you can’t choose not to know some things. Of course that might mean you buying into a bit of vulnerability and uncertainty – as they say in the song ALG: ‘Welcome To My (Your) World’. If you do laugh and smile, logic says you must have a mouth and eyes I suppose. Maybe I’m off in left field here but I seem to be building up a picture of you, as we might say, as being a bit like us: we’re building a picture of you in our own image so to speak. Which brings up the Man, Woman thing – but we’d better shelve that for now.

As we’re just sort of getting to know each other……well, strictly speaking……oh bugger it, if you already know everything about me including thoughts I’m going to have before I have them – I’m not sure there’s much to talk about: in a way we’d both be talking to ourselves. So I’ll just sort of assume as I say, that just because you can know everything, doesn’t mean you always choose to. A bit of metaphysical tying one hand behind the back. There are some really heavy things I want to talk about but if it’s all right with you, I’ll leave them to another time. One should never crowd new friendships.

So: about the wasp. Whatever were you thinking? Bees are the most delightful creatures anyone could wish for: ten out of ten for the bees; brilliant design, wonderful natures – gifts from God..…as they say. But if I may put it this way, wasps are no bloody good to God, Man or beast. Nasty, buzzy, stingy little buggers. And for me, being created with the only contribution you make to the common weal being that something else can eat you strikes me, to be frank, as well, a bit ontologically weak. I have to say to you ALG, I sometimes think that when you were supposed to be having a rest day (why does an Omnipotent Being need a rest by the way?) you were in fact feeling a bit mischievous and came up with a few nasty little flies for the cosmic ointment. Well OK, I can identify with that…..but really…..not the bloody wasp.

It’s pretty certain that I’m going to get some stick about this: a posse headed up by David Bellamy and half the Attenborough family (boy, did they go forth and multiply) will come charging over a green hill not far away enough, and claim that I am being tough on the wasp, and tough on the Cause of the wasp. Well excuse me for having an opinion , but I still hate the little sods, especially the American ones with the capital letters.

Well ALG. Gotta go. I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than listen to me drone on all day. I hope you’re not going to get All Powerful on me as I really wouldn’t have a prayer, would I? If you’re at a loose end and looking for a worthwhile project – you might give the Middle East a look. On second thoughts they may have had enough Supreme Beings to last them an eternity. See you….…well I suppose, strictly speaking…… Anyway it’s been good to talk. And as someone once said: if you have been, thanks for listening.

Yours faithfully……er……(let’s see how it goes)

Yours sincerely,


Leave a Reply